


Dating an Anarchist: A How-To Guide for the Terminally Adventurous

by clavicular



Category: xkcd
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 14:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clavicular/pseuds/clavicular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On their third date, they accidentally end up in the Bahamas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dating an Anarchist: A How-To Guide for the Terminally Adventurous

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scarletts_awry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletts_awry/gifts).



> Written for scarletts_awry in the [Fandom Free-For-All.](http://oxoniensis.livejournal.com/422866.html)   
> Thanks go to ineptshieldmaid and lastwingedthing for betaing this.

_Their first date goes something like this:_

"I'll pick you up at seven," he says. She nods vaguely, not looking up from the wires.  
"Bring flowers," she says, "and chocolates."  
"You missed a spot," he says, pointing at the tangled lines.   
"It's supposed to be like that," she replies, and waits until he's gone to fix it.

He picks her up at seven, roses in one hand and fake passports in the other. It's DreamHack's biggest festival yet; over 11,000 computers. He's never been before, and she wants it to be special.

They were planning to wait, but half a day and they're already tired of simple hacks and viruses. There are too many easy marks.

The sound of 11,000 computers failing rings in her ears as they make their getaway.  
"I told you it would work," she says.

The sun is setting as they drive back to the airport. She takes his hand, and it feels like the sky is exploding around them. She smiles.

  
_On their third date, they accidentally end up in the Bahamas._

Neither of them can explain how it happened. There'd been a submarine and then a jetplane dogfight, and possibly a group of underground drug dealers somewhere, but they're both pretty certain they should be in Russia by now.

She looks at her watch, the seconds ticking closer to their deadline.   
"Four hours," he tells her, as if she didn't know. She thinks about all the ramifications of their absence, of the certain political turmoil and social collapse that will follow.   
"Fancy a margarita?" she asks.   
"I could use a holiday," he agrees.

They'll head off in a couple of weeks, she thinks; see what opportunities present themselves in the subsequent chaos.

He kisses her on the cheek, and cheerfully throws a rock through the window of a car. It's sporting a series of obnoxious bumper stickers; it deserves whatever it gets.

  
_Their fourth through to sixteenth dates are really just extensions of the third. The seventeenth is what should have been their fourth, but with less diplomacy and more guns. By the eighteenth, they've stopped counting._

They show up at a local charity fundraiser. Children stare at them in fascination and awe. Everyone else stares with thinly-veiled terror. It makes her smile with her teeth. He thinks it's beautiful; the others shy further away.

"It's almost like they think we're up to something," he says.  
"You're enjoying this."  
Of course he is. Why else would he do it?   
She gives one of the children a balloon. The child's parents hurry their darling away.  
He knows she's enjoying it too.

At the end of the day, he hears someone mutter, "Gotta be it, don't it? Just being here is what they're up to. Just wanna scare us."   
"Something like that," he tells the man, who flinches. "And, incidentally, if you get the chance, please learn to use grammar correctly."  
He leaves with a grin that has the idiot shaking. She's already waiting in the truck, and they drive off together.

It's then that the ermine attack.

  
_They don't mark off dates, and neither of them notices their first anniversary come and go._

"How do you feel about pizza?" he asks her.   
"Make sure they don't forget the anchovies this time," she says.   
They forget the anchovies.

The next day, the pizza kitchen has been gutted; rolling pins and ovens are sitting in a neat pile on the street. In their place is a giant fish tank. A slightly soggy note is taped to the the glass. It reads: _Thought you might have needed a reminder. Hope this helps. =) _ Through the glass, a school of anchovies eyeball the shop's owner.

"I still think the smiley face was taking things too far," he says. "There's no need to be cruel."  
"Sometimes you have to be tough," she says.


End file.
